Cats in general like a fair amount of alone time, but if your cat’s “MO” is one of almost complete avoidance of you and others in your home, something’s wrong. A cat should not want to spend his entire day under the bed, behind the bed skirt, or at the far reaches of some other piece of furniture. He should not consider it a risk to walk across the middle of the floor and instead always slink around the perimeter of a room in order to try to avoid being noticed.
Fortunately, there are ways to build up your pet’s sense of self. Your cat may never be one of those who comes over and demands attention by brushing against you or weaves in and out of your legs. But you can keep him from remaining an uncomfortable shrinking violet who’s afraid of his own shadow — and yours. Here’s how.
1.Tweak the environment. Although cats are natural predators, they also spend a good deal of energy making sure they don’t become prey. They stake out territory to ascertain the safe spots. Maybe if your cat is constantly making himself scarce, you don’t have enough safe spots around the house where he can be closer to the action and learn over time that the goings-on are not a threat to him.
With that in mind, keep hidey holes such as boxes with snug fits in high-traffic areas of the home, such as the family room or wherever else you and others hang out. That way he can be part of the action without actually being in the action. Provide high-up spaces, too — a shelf that he can jump to from a bookcase, and so on. After a while, at those times your pet is within reach, give him a brief scritch under the neck or a quick stroke on the side as you walk past. Make it happen so fast and casually that he doesn’t have time to react. He’ll see over time that hanging out near the action is safe.
2.Don’t overwhelm. It’s very important not to try to rush things or force a cat into situations he doesn’t need to be in. That means that even when your cat does start coming around, he — not you — should essentially call the shots about being petted and receiving other forms of attention. Remain sparing with your gestures. Better if you let him decide when he wants more rather than you deciding for him. Stop stroking and cooing before he shows signs of impatience even though lavishing attention on him might feel good to you.
3.Adopt a routine. It may not seem apparent, but a cat really likes to know what’s going to happen — and when. It increases his sense of security. For that reason, as much as possible feed him at the same times every day and even interact with him at roughly the same times. And work to keep emotional chaos — yelling, evidence of bad moods — at a minimum. Cats are unnerved by such drama. It’s virtually impossible to always remain calm. But if you feel yourself losing it, think of the cat in the house the way you would think of a young child — as someone who would become alarmed at an adult’s getting upset and should not be subject to such a display if at all possible.
Likewise, when there’s going to be a disruption to the routine — a handyman is stopping by to fix an appliance, friends or relatives are coming to stay for a few days — bear in mind that that could increase his stress. At those times, treat him extra sensitively, perhaps speaking softly or offering a little more than usual in the way of treats or whatever else he enjoys. You can even wash his special blanket and lay it out for him while it’s still warm.
None of these tactics are surefire bets that you will be able to turn a very skittish feline into a pet that is completely secure emotionally. But they are likely to do some good.
